This Together Tuesday, I’d like to share an acronym that my wife and I taught the attendees at our 2012 marriage symposium.
Let’s face it: in the middle of an argument, the last thing you’re probably going to do is remember all the wonderful advice that you’ve read in books or heard in counseling sessions. It’s just too tempting to snap back or slam the door and walk away.
Sooo…. instead of words of wisdom, I propose four simple letters: LOSA (pronounced Lo’ Sah not loo’ za). What’s it mean?
L: Listen. Your spouse is saying something that probably reflects deeper, more personal issues. She might fuss about going to your in-law’s but perhaps the real issue is that you need to spend more time together. Instead of shouting back, listen to what’s being said and try to figure out what’s not being said.
O: Observe: Marriage is a constant learning process. Watch your spouse to learn his/her reactions and thought patterns in daily situations.
S: Speak: Take a deep breath or talk when you’re calmer. But express yourself with respect. Think hamburger model: positive comment, then negative comment, then positive. (Note: works best when you’re calm.)
A: Attitude: Take an objective approach to learning your spouse’s needs. Marriage isn’t about proving who’s right; it’s about building a relationship together. You need to understand that it’s not all about you. It’s about both of you.
So, the next time you’re grinding your teeth or feel like complaining about the dishes/credit card bills, remember LOSA. You’ll come out a WINNA.