I thought it would be helpful to identify some of the fastest ways to kill your marriage and, conversely, to provide alternative approaches that can help your relationship bloom eternally.
After speaking with/listening to numerous couples in counseling and in marriage seminars, I have realized that making comparisons is one of the best ways to send your marriage to a premature grave.
As humans we make comparisons all the time; it’s an innate ability that helps us survive—at least in most cases. While it’s alright to compare grocery prices or employment opportunities, it’s never a good move to compare your spouse to another man or woman.
If you make comparisons you are more likely to increase your own marital dissatisfaction by seeing the flaws in your own spouse while remaining ignorant of the other person’s “bad side.”
Saying things like “Jenny’s husband helps her with the dishes” or “Mark’s wife never criticizes him” not only belittles your spouse, but it can also start the downward slope to emotional or even physical infidelity. Comparing your spouse on social media makes the hurt even more poignant.
So how do we avoid this killer agent?
Instead of seeing your spouse’s flaws, focus on the good. When you need to ask your husband/wife to change something, don’t start off with what others are doing. Rather, start by praising something he/she does and then—in a kind voice—tell your spouse what you’d like to see happen.
It might be worth it to take a few minutes before speaking and ask yourself what words you’d like your spouse to say if he/she were asking you to change something. Stepping outside of your emotional box can allow you to express yourself more clearly to someone else.
I know that in the heat of emotion it’s hard to remember this but if you forget everything else, just remember that comparing your spouse to someone else isn’t going to help your marriage …. but it just might kill it.
Have a great day! 🙂
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